The best meditation practices for you and your children
What is meditation/mindfulness?
We know meditation is supposed to calm us down and be great for us, but we might not be sure where to start. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, one of the national experts on meditation, “mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.” In other words, you bring your attention to one thing (example: the sensation of your breath), and when you have a thought, you kindly let that thought go and bring your attention back to that thing (your breath).
A common misconception is that you are supposed to “clear your mind” with meditation. This is not true! The point of meditation is to notice when you are having thoughts, so you can train your brain to kindly let them go. If you are able to notice thoughts popping up, and you can let them go, you are practicing mindfulness.
How does it change the brain?
Mindfulness has been shown to increase happiness, decrease levels of depression, and reduce stress in adults. It has also been shown to improve students’ academic performance, memory, focus, and social/emotional behaviors. Dr. Vidya Chidambaran, an anesthesiologist at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, is studying the effects of mindfulness on pain management for children undergoing surgery. She explains “we know that besides just slow breathing, observing even small periods of mindfulness can reduce pain responses, decrease anxiety and improve coping mechanisms.” Results from their pilot study suggest that practicing mindfulness for four days before and after surgery decreased pain sensitivity and improved pain recovery. Brain imaging confirms that mindfulness can activate and moderate parts of the brain that respond to pain.
The practice of meditation can also help us respond more calmly to situations by changing the brain. In the brain, the amygdala controls our response to fear and stress. The amygdala is in our brain to protect us from danger, like a tiger. Therefore, if the amygdala senses danger, it activates the survival part of our brain (brainstem) to shift us into survival mode to escape the tiger. In response to the threat, we defend or attack. However, when we go into survival mode, we can’t use the thinking and decision-making part (prefrontal cortex) of our brain very well. This is why, if someone says or does something upsetting, often our reaction is to defend or attack. Instead of using the thinking part of our brain, our amygdala can make us say or do things we regret. When our amygdala takes over, it is called an amygdala hijack because it is taking over your brain!
As parents, we have to be careful to notice when our amygdalas are taking over, and take steps to calm our amygdalas down before we respond to stressful situations. It can also be helpful to notice when our children’s amygdalas are activated, so we can help them learn how to use mindfulness in tough situations. Mindfulness and mindful breathing have both been shown to calm down the amygdala, so we can use the thinking part of our brain when we respond to upsetting situations.
Meditation Practices for Parents:
As parents, we could all benefit from a little more peace in our lives. Here are two of the best practices to try.
1. Listen to a guided meditation:
· App recommendation: Insight Timer Meditation App (free): it has the largest free library of guided meditations, including meditation for beginners, managing stress, coping with anxiety, improving sleep, etc.
2. Practice a breathing meditation:
· Example: Breathe in for a count of 3 and exhale for a count of 6, letting go of all tension on the exhale. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system, telling your body to calm down. Try this when you are upset, before you respond, and/or to calm down after a long day.
· App recommendation: Pranayama Free (to match your breath with the sounds) and Breathe or iBreathe (to match your breath to an expanding/contracting circle)
Meditation Practices to do with Your Children:
Here are some of the mindfulness practices that children enjoy. If they don’t like one of them, that is fine! Try a different one. The younger they are, the shorter and more interactive they might like their mindfulness practices.
Guided meditations: (ages 5-18) Listen to a guided meditation for children. There are a ton of meditations for kids on the Insight Timer app, as well as on YouTube. They have some great body scans, and mindfulness practices on loving-kindness.
Breathing mindfulness: (ages 4-18) Sit and practice breathing with your children. Kids love matching their breath with sounds and with moving images (on the apps listed above).
· Example: Darth Vader Breath: with your children, take a deep breath in through the nose. Then, do a long exhale through the nose, making the exhale a loud sound like Darth Vader’s breath, as the breath hits the back of the throat. Try to do these breaths with your children.
3. Flower mindfulness: (ages 2-18) let your children take some time to see what they can notice about a flower using all of their senses (ask them what they see, smell, feel, hear, and taste!). Any object from nature will work. Rain meditations can be fun as well, letting them tell you what they hear, see, smell, feel, and even taste!
4. Music mindfulness: (ages 3-18) Sit down and listen to a song without words. Encourage them to notice if they have a thought pop up, to gently let it go, and return their attention to the music.
5. Egg timer mindfulness: (ages 3-18) some children find it easier to look at something, so letting them watch the falling sand in the timer can be very relaxing for them.
6. Emotion awareness and activities for younger children(3-6): Mindfulness practices for this age can help children identify their emotions and the emotions of others.
